Crush Liberalism

Delay in my postings due to torture

My apologies for not having updated the blog in a couple of days. I was undergoing torture, all in the name of medicine.

I have had sciatica in my leg for four months now. My neurosurgeon requested three tests: Electromyogram (EMG), Nerve Conduction Study (NCS), and CAT scan. The EMG and NCS were done at the same time.

During the NCS, the technician literally shocks you dozens of times to gauge your body’s reaction to it. It hurt like hell, and my reaction was to request to meet him in the parking lot after work! And I’m not talking about mild shocks or slight stinging or tingling…I’m talking about leg-flopping-on-the-table shocking!

When he was done, a doctor came in to perform the EMG. This is where I was poked with 6 – 10 needles, each about 1/4″ long, from the small of my back down to the ankle. Those two injections hurt, but the rest did not…I guess because my leg was shocked into deadness!

I’m telling you, we need to use these two medical procedures on the Islamofascists in Gitmo in Cuba. Hook a couple of suicide camel jockeys to these things, and we’ll get all kinds of plum info…until the ACLU comes in to break it up. I guess those bloodthirsty savages have more rights than I do.

As for the CAT scan, it was worse than I thought. They needed a contrast, so I had to drink two bottles of barium solution. Them, I had to get an IV with a dye squirted into my bloodstream. Not fun. After it was over, I had to stop four times on the way home to use the toilet. After all, it was barium I was drinking…yes, the same barium used in enemas, and thusly, the same “end” result!

Now with the tests out of the way, I can resume life again. I’ll post more stuff on Thursday. Thanks for reading my whinefest!

March 16, 2005 - Posted by crushliberalism | Uncategorized