Crush Liberalism

Satire alert

The brilliant satirical minds at The Nose On Your Face have an excellent piece that spoofs that stupid female Cali legislator who proposed the bill to ban spanking kids (though she has no kids herself):

In an effort to fend off criticism that her childless status makes her a questionable proponent of anti-spanking legislation, California legislator and cat-lover Sally Lieber is now offering some helpful child-rearing tips for parents.

Guest Commentary By Sally Lieber

I have been both surprised and disappointed since I introduced legislation in California that would make it illegal for parents to spank their young children. Just because I don’t have any human kids doesn’t mean that I don’t understand how to raise them.

Here are a few dynamite tips that I’ve picked up along the way that are sure to help out even the most over-stressed parent. Enjoy.

1) When your child does not listen to you, it is never okay to spank them. A light misting from a spray bottle usually does the trick with much less damage to their self-esteem.

2) Make sure to have your child spayed or neutered by the time they enter daycare. Remember, responsible parents do not let their youngsters litter or have litters (Get it? Litter? Litters? My son Mr. Mittens came up with that. Isn’t he clever?)

3) It is not necessary to buy your child expensive toys or elaborate video game systems. In my experience I’ve found that they are quite content with a simple ball of yarn.

4) When deciding where to place your child’s bed, be sure to choose a spot that receives lots of sunlight.

5) Do not be alarmed if your child brings home a dead mouse or bird for you. Although children do not have the appropriate words to express their feelings at a young age, what they are really saying is “Hey- mom and dad? I truly love and appreciate you.” Remember, as is often the case with children, it is the thought that counts.

6) Although it has been dismissed by many as an old wives tale, it is in fact true that children always do land on their feet when dropped from high places. Give it a try, it won’t hurt them. In fact, it will help to hone their reflexes and muscles for later in life.

7) Reading is essential to the mental, emotional, and spiritual growth of children. Expose them to the classics such as Garfield and Puss ‘n’ Boots, at an early age.

8) Contrary to popular belief, a black child crossing your path is most emphatically not bad luck. This is one of those slow-to-die racial stereotypes that began with southern plantation owners centuries ago, and is perpetuated by Republicans and Michael Richards to this day.

Now get back out there and raise some terrific kids everybody!

Go check out (and bookmark) TNOYF. If you don’t, you’ll piss off Islamic Rage Boy. Trust me, you do NOT want to do that!

January 29, 2007 - Posted by crushliberalism | satire