Crush Liberalism

Liberalism: Why think when you can “feel”?

Happy Earth Day!

Here are the top 10 things I plan on doing today to commemorate Earth Day:

  1. Drive a Hummer, several miles.
  2. Buy a can of hair spray, and since I won’t need it on account of being BBB (bald but beautiful!), empty the whole can into the atmosphere.
  3. Shoot a spotted owl.
  4. Grill a manatee.
  5. Take a Black and Decker chainsaw to as many trees as I can before sundown.
  6. Find a cow pasture and fart with some cows, since apparently flatulence leads to global “warming”.
  7. Start a bonfire with 1,000 copies of Al Gore’s “Earth in the Balance” manifesto.
  8. Leave every electric appliance on in my house until after midnight, so my home can show up on one of those nighttime satellite image thingies.
  9. Pee in the river.
  10. Take a firehose of gushing soap and water to those treesitters in Beserkley.

What about your plans?

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April 22, 2009 - Posted by | environuts, global warming

8 Comments »

  1. Don’t forget to drink all your beverages out of a styrofoam cup.

    Comment by Kanaka Girl | April 22, 2009

  2. “Leave every electric appliance on in my house until after midnight, so my home can show up on one of those nighttime satellite image thingies.”

    And you still wouldn’t be close to matching Al the Bore’s carbon footprint!

    Comment by tnjack | April 22, 2009

  3. I used my AR-15 on the spotted owl. What a mess…

    Comment by The Truth Hurts | April 22, 2009

  4. Hunting polar bears. From a Blackhawk helicopter. With a Dillon Aero. Accompanied by a woman who looks like she could be Sarah Palin’s younger, hotter, ummarried sister.
    A man can dream, can’t he?

    Comment by PabloD | April 22, 2009

  5. The bonfire with Al Gore’s books is the best suggestion. We might include using copies of the IRS tax code. This would keep Fairbanks warm for a year.

    Comment by MAS1916 | April 23, 2009

  6. Changed the tires on my car and used the old ones for a family bonding bon fire…quite a touching moment when my son lit the gas to start it.

    Comment by DJ | April 23, 2009

  7. I ate a Big Mac from the old non-biodegradable Styrofoam container, then chucked that box right into the river.

    Comment by TheBad | May 7, 2009

  8. Run over a bicycle with your SUV and throw it in the dumpster Fire up the grill and BBQ a steak

    Comment by SPURWING PLOVER | April 11, 2011


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