So due to the non-recession, people are resorting to…grave robbery?  In a newsroom in St. Louis, someone needs to lay off the “sensationalism” bong.

From Confederate Yankee:

Too bad they worship someone other than the Obamamessiah:

Prosecutors said Craig’s victims met him through a shared interest in Satan worship. They alleged Craig shackled his victims to beds, kept them in dog cages and starved them inside his Albany Street home.He was charged with beating one victim with a cane and a cord and with raping a woman.

Johnson, who was third vice-chair of the Durham County Democratic Party and vice-chair for the Young Democrats, was charged with two counts of aiding and abetting. Prosecutors said she knew her husband planned the crime and watched as they were committed.

She has resigned her positions with the Democratic Party, said state Sen. Floyd McKissick, D-Durham.

When reached for comment this afternoon, Obama said, “this is not the Satan-worshiping third vice-chair of the Durham County Democratic Party that I knew.”

Heh…for the snark, not for the crime.

Oh. My. God (insert politically correct deity du jour here).  Excerpt:

Richard Danzig, who served as Navy Secretary under President Clinton and is tipped to become National Security Adviser in an Obama White House, told a major foreign policy conference in Washington that the future of US strategy in the war on terrorism should follow a lesson from the pages of Winnie the Pooh, which can be shortened to: if it is causing you too much pain, try something else.

Mr Danzig told the Centre for New American Security: “Winnie the Pooh seems to me to be a fundamental text on national security.”  …

I may have just officially seen it all.

Obama’s future Cabinet?

You stay classy, lefties!  From ABC News:

A stunning 20-something woman hooks up with a seemingly innocent guy at a rowdy singles bar. Hot foreplay starts on the cab ride home and progresses into the bedroom.

That is until, while searching for a condom in the bedside table, she sees a photo signed “Thanks for your support!” from Republican candidate John McCain.

Horrified, she bolts, dropping her bag and spilling a campaign button on the sidewalk: “I only sleep with Democrats.” The camera quickly cuts to a cool, bespectacled man with a donkey pin on his lapel. The couple’s eyes lovingly lock. …

Take away the underlying message, ladies and germs: Dem girls are sluts.  “Edgy”, n’est-ce pas?

This woman’s case is remarkably similar to what her little girl stepped in, don’t you think?  From CT:

A New York woman has filed a $100 claim against Norwalk, Conn. saying a family outing to the Maritime Aquarium was ruined by dog feces.

The woman claims her child’s shoes, along with the entire outing, were ruined when her 1-year-old stepped in dog feces outside the Maritime Garage.

City attorney M. Jeffry Spahr said the official response is that her claim is denied and, in his words, “poop happens.”

Kelly DeBrocky of Mahopac, N.Y., wants the city to reimburse her for $54 she spent replacing her toddler’s ruined shoes and the expenses for parking and aquarium admission on April 5.

Yet another compelling reason for tort reform.

Exit question: Even if I were to concede the woman deserved the $54 for the shoes (which I won’t concede, but follow me here), why should she be reimbursed for the parking and aquarium admission when she was going to the aquarium anyway?

A three-year-old wins a “best mullet” contest.  Such a redneck-like contest is not in Arkansas or Georgia or anywhere like that.  Nope, in Minnesota!

Those parents must be proud!  And yes, that was sarcasm.

Just when I thought we had already solved all problems in Florida, I see I was mistaken.

When we’re not busy humiliating ourselves with hanging chads and electile dysfunction, Florida decides to be a trendsetter in the solving the premier problems of the day.  From MSNBC:

They’re proudly displayed by any self-respecting bull, but dangling big metal ones on the back end of a truck could be banned in Florida.

Metal replicas of bull testicles have become trendy bumper ornaments in some parts of the Sunshine State, but state Sen. Carey Baker is campaigning to ban the orbs.

Baker acknowledged that Florida lawmakers have more pressing issues, including huge revenue shortfalls, but said the state needs to draw a line on what’s obscene before more objectionable adornments appear.

State Sen. Steve Geller argued against Baker’s bill.

“I find it shocking that we should be telling people that have the metallic bull testicles … you’re now going to have points on your license for this,” said Geller. …

Maybe the lawmakers are jealous because they lack ‘nads themselves.  Morons.

We’re supposed to have faith in our elected officials to spend their time in DC wisely?  From FNC:

A bill intended to protect blind people and other pedestrians from the dangers posed by quiet cars will be introduced Wednesday in Congress.

The measure would require the Transportation Department to establish safety standards for hybrids and other vehicles that make little discernible noise, including an audible means for alerting people that cars are nearby.

“The beneficial trend toward more environmentally friendly vehicles has had the unintended effect of placing the blind and other pedestrians in danger,” said Democratic Rep. Edolphus Towns, who’s sponsoring the bill with Republican Rep. Cliff Stearns.  (Friggin’ wonderful…Stearns is MY Congressman! - Ed.)

The Baltimore-based National Federation of the Blind has pushed for the legislation to protect those who rely on their hearing to know when to cross the street.

While the organization is not aware of people being struck by cars they couldn’t hear, NFB President Marc Maurer has said he fears it’s only a matter of time.

No blind person has ever been hit by a hybrid, so let’s spend Congressional time dealing with a non-existent problem.  Brilliant.

Memo to Congress: They’re blind, not deaf!

When they’re not busy trying to regulate Internet speech, KY state legislators have other similar pressing priorities:

Chicken, cornhole (WTF? - Ed.) and Corvettes. An effort to honor General Motors’ iconic Corvette as the official sports car of Kentucky has stalled in the state’s legislature along with efforts to honor other famous exports.

General Motors Corp assembles Corvettes at a plant in Bowling Green, Kentucky, where it employs almost 1,000 workers. There are plans to add 2,000 more workers when the company adds two more vehicle lines by 2012.

C.B. Embry Jr., a Republican member of Kentucky’s General Assembly, introduced a measure earlier this year to boost the state’s spirits and honor “one of the bright spots” of Kentucky’s economy.

But with pressing issues such as the state budget, casino gambling and proposed tax hikes occupying the legislature, the effort to honor the Corvette has been tabled for now.

Other measures put on hold include a proposal to name Kentucky Fried Chicken as the official picnic food and to make cornhole — a bean bag toss game — the official state game.

“It would still be easy to spend five or 10 minutes to do this bill,” Embry told Reuters in an interview. “We certainly waste a lot more time than that standing around.” …

Seriously…”cornh0le”?  Dude. “Welcome to Kentucky, The Cornh0le State!”

Some quick news takes while I finish this assignment that “Th’ Man” gave me!

• Sick dude gets arrested for boinking a Rottweiler.  That means I’ll be hearing less from one of my moonbat stalkers.
• CBS News reports that Rove tried to “smear” a Dem governor by charges of infidelity.  However, Johnny Mac hears charges of infidelity, and the NYT is just “reporting” and not “smearing”!  Nope…no liberal media bias!
• Speaking of Juan McAmnesty, he has played this smear job by the Old Gray Hag very well thus far.  The GOP base, many of whom are underwhelmed by McCain, are now rallying around the guy because of the transparent liberal agenda by the Hag.  Kudos, NYT, for helping McLame figure out a way to get the base behind him.
• WSJ is reporting that Obama wins 65% of Democrats abroad…or, as we call them, “Euros”!
• Am I the only one who didn’t know that J-Ho was pregnant, much less gave birth to twins?
• I have to give the devil her due.  The Hildeb#tch delivered the best line of her debate with Barry O last night with this quip: “Change you can Xerox!”

I mean, he’s only the chairman of the Federal Reserve and she’s merely a Congresswoman with the power of the purse, so what’s the big deal, right?  Bernanke layeth the smack down on the Dumbocrat (link):

U.S. Congresswoman Marcy Kaptur came to a House committee hearing on Thursday prepared to ask U.S. Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson tough questions about his involvement in the subprime mortgage crisis.

Unfortunately, she was questioning the chairman of the Federal Reserve.

The Ohio Democrat, at a House of Representatives Budget Committee hearing, said she wanted to know what Wall Street firms were responsible for the securitization of subprime mortgages. She then asked: “Seeing as how you were the former CEO of Goldman Sachs …” But the only person testifying at the hearing interrupted.

“No, no, no, you’re confusing me with the Treasury Secretary,” said Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke.

“I’ve got the wrong firm? Paulson, Oh, OK. Where were you sir?” Kaptur said. Bernanke noted that he was head of the Princeton University economics department.

“Oh, Princeton, oh, all right, sorry. I got you confused with the other one … I’m glad you clarified that for the record,” she said.

I’m sure that Bernie was more than glad to help out Kap-turd with her civics lesson for the day, especially since it gave him a prime opportunity to pwn the beyotch in front of the nation!

And Bush is the moron?

Look, kids: Big Ben, Parliament…and a skinhead pissing in a cup!  From the UK:

An advert depicting a tattooed skinhead urinating into a china teacup is being used to promote British tourism.


Image is part of new ad campaignThe image is part of a new Eurostar campaign aimed solely at the Belgian market.

Posters have gone up on billboards in Antwerp, Brussels, Liege and Ghent to promote the new high-speed train connection to London.

The company says the advert is great for British tourism.

“It’s fun, it’s supposed to show how cosmopolitan London is. Yes, I really think it says London is cosmopolitan,” insisted a spokeswoman for Eurostar.

Lesley Retallack added: “You could walk down Camden market and you can see someone like that. (The Euros think THAT is a selling point? Hell, you can see that in our country, too, except that the cretin would get arrested if he was caught doing it. We’re funny that way. - Ed.)

“It just captures your imagination, stops you, makes you think. People get it.”

I have to admit that I was a little ambivalent as to whether I really wanted to go check out Londonistan.  But after seeing this, just how am I supposed to say “No”?

Euros…go figure.

Talk about biting the hand that feeds you.  From the AP:

Rep. Barney Frank, a leading gay rights champion in Congress, on Thursday urged fellow gay rights advocates not to let their dispute over protecting transgender workers doom a job discrimination ban that could mark a major civil rights advance for gays in the workplace.

The debate over including transgender people has sharply divided gay rights activists, many of whom are trying to kill a stripped-down bill without protections for transgender workers that Frank and Democratic leaders hope will win House passage this year.

“We’re not going to be split off this way,” said Matt Foreman, executive director of the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force. “We’re driven by principle. No civil rights movement has ever left a part of its community behind - and we’re not about to be the first.”

Frank, D-Mass., one of two openly gay members of Congress, supports transgender protections, but said they don’t have the votes.

“Politically, the notion that you don’t do anything until you can do everything is self-defeating,” he said.

Frank said the public has more awareness because gay activists began educating people about the unfairness of prejudice based on sexual orientation a long time ago.

“These things take awhile,” Frank said. “The transgender issue is of relatively recent vintage.”

Congressman Prostitution Ring has a modicum of sense here.  He knows fully well that if you put in that provision for “gender identification”, the bill is deader than Ted Kennedy’s liver.

Via Hot Air:

Somewhere Christopher Hitchens pours himself another scotch and chortles sinisterly. Taste the cold steel of Sister Domenica’s blade:

TWO PEOPLE were injured and another two were arrested after scuffles broke out between two rival factions of nuns residing in an Old Calendarist convent in Avdellero late last night.

Nuns and priests from both sides confronted each other after unrest broke out at around 10pm.

The church was covered with blood as nuns and priests from both sides attacked each other using sharp objects…

It has been reported that the convent is segregated, with Archimandrite Sevastianos’ followers occupying certain buildings and the resident nuns staying in others. At nightfall, Sevastianos and his nuns barricade themselves inside the chapel, as a precaution, with friends and relatives of the two groups taking turns at patrolling the premises.

Fortunately, one of our voyeurs “investigative journalists” (we’ll call him “Louie”) from the Crush Liberalism Objective World News Service (aka CLOWNS) was on vacation in Cyprus and claimed to have transcribed the following conversation:

Sister Mary-Katherine: Yo, yo, yo…this is our turf, Sevastianos Crips!

Sister Ruth Hosanna: Don’t think so, bee-yotch! Get to steppin’, or my peeps will get medieval on your…

Sister Delilah: That’s it, Ruthdawg! I’m poppin’ a cap in your…uh…well, we don’t have guns here, so I’ll use this letter opener instead. ‘You down with G-O-D? Yeah, you know me!’

Sister Sheneequa: Oh no, you dih-unt! It’s on, Mutha Penguin!

Sister Delilah: Who you callin’ a ‘penguin’, you nappy headed…

At this point, the violence and bloodshed began, so Louie bolted for his safety. And of course, I believe Louie’s version of events, especially since he said the transcribed document was cleared by Dan Rather…so you just know it’s authentic!

All over the world, CLOWNS getting the news to you…